Organisers are in shock this morning after a riot broke out at Australia’s most pretentious music festival, So Frenchy So Chic near Melbourne yesterday. The mayhem left several people seriously injured with property damage estimated to be at around $900,000.
Eyewitnesses claim that an initial argument broke out between two pregnant women over some cheese, which escalated when several other revellers got involved with their irrelevant opinions. Furniture was thrown, along with several types of expensive fromage, resulting in injuries to bystanders. A 37 year old male was airlifted to Royal Women’s Hospital in Brisbane accidentally and is now being transferred back to Victoria later today. Doctors said he was in a casual condition.
Spokesman for the festival, Guillaume Farqueet, issued a quick statement outside his Port Melbourne apartment this morning. He apologised for the ‘actions of a few’ and although it was difficult to understand the rest of his statement due to the thick scarf he was wearing, most press in attendance believe he labelled the crowd ‘bourgeois swine’ before striding off to get a fucking latte or some shit.
Victoria Police released a statement via fax praising the response of festival security. They also noted that whilst there were no drug arrests as ‘everyone attending was an old boring cunt’, there are plans to ban future events from these organisers in an attempt to ‘push back on these types of pretentious gatherings’.