Police Enforcing ‘Salary Checkpoints’ At Exclusive Beaches.

Some pigs stop humans in cars

Earn less than $100,000 a year? Well soon you’ll be banned from using some very exclusive beaches this Summer. From January 31st 2015, Police will be setting up checkpoints and enforcing ‘salary checks’ to deter those less fortunate from mixing it with the rich.

It’s in response to lobbying by local councils and well-to-do residents in and around areas such as Dromana, Sorrento and Portsea as well as parts of Torquay, Anglesea and Lorne.

Residential groups have banded together to put pressure on local councils and authorities to impose the ban as they believe seeing poorer people at the beach devalues property and can cause traffic and sanitation issues. In a surprising move, Victorian police have agreed to a 30 day trial of the new council laws and will begin setting up checkpoints from the end of this month at selected beaches.

Penelope Loves-Hardonne, speaking on behalf of the collective of residents groups in support of the ban, says that there’s several reasons behind the move. “Poor people stink and are unsightly. They can’t afford decent housing or hygiene products and it’s polluting our water. Not to mention the high volume of lower-class families clogging our roads, shops and taking up space on the sand. We want our beaches back; it’s time to tidy up the coast!”

It’s no surprise that the move is already being met with fierce resistance. Civil Liberties groups have weighed in, with Terry Towelling from Being Civil storming the steps on parliament yesterday with over a dozen supporters and a petition with over 50 signatures on it in an attempt to present it to new Premier, Daniel Andrews. Mr Andrews, or Dork Windows’ as he’s commonly known around Spring Street, is yet to comment on the new laws, and hasn’t been seen in several weeks. Police are concerned for his well-being, but a source close to Mr Andrews told Boredsheet that he had logged into his Playstation account to play Call Of Duty and was ‘probably punching bongs in his lounge room’.

Others have suggested hiring luxury cars and dressing in fancy clothes in an attempt to swim at nicer beaches, but police will be requesting bank statements or may ask to be shown current account balances via banking apps.

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