Animal Outrage As ‘Hipster’ Farm Opens In Melbourne

A Try-hard Fuckwit Goat

Animal protection groups are united in their outrage as a new farm in Melbourne’s north opens its doors this weekend. But it’s not just any farm. In a bid to appeal to the dying hipster market, this farm features ‘fashionable animals’ wearing the latest threads, with some wearing thick glasses and painted on moustaches.

The atrocious estate also features a coffee roasting house and a vegan cafe, and word has it, owners are considering using pigs with trays strapped to their backs to assist in clearing tables.

It’s no surprise that animals rights activists have come out swinging. Pat Mahkat, from HuMane, was fuming when Boredsheet reached him for comment this morning. “I’ve just been out there to have a look at the place and it’s one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen,” the foul hippie seethed. “They’re strapping the animals down to tape thick-rimmed reading glasses to their heads, there’s llamas stuffed into turtle neck sweaters and one of my colleagues managed to take a snap of what they’re doing to the roosters.”

Look at this cock

Staff were unwilling to make comment on the record when journalists visited the preposterous pasture, but were able to ascertain that its name will be ‘PHARM’ and from what we could see, all male staff are required to wear top-knot man buns, striped tops and essentially look like complete cunts.

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