Shock As ‘Rudeness Fines’ Get Green Light

An unhappy dickhead

In an unprecedented move by the Federal Government, a bill passed in parliament earlier this week which will allow people to receive on-the-spot fines for something as simple as having a bad attitude, or being unhappy. The fines can be issued by police, and citizens can lodge a complaint with authorities if they receive bad service or deal with anyone they think to be rude.

The move has opened a veritable ‘Pandora’s Box’ with legal experts slamming the move and passive-aggression slowly mounting on social media, with people reluctant to express actual outrage at the risk of being fined.

The move was thought to have been spawned after shared experiences by a number of high-ranking Liberal MP’s in areas full of fuckwits, like Melbourne’s Inner North, Newtown in Sydney and Lonsdale Street Braddon, in the nation’s capital.

Rich Loyerh, a senior partner at prestigious legal firm, Watson Telly, was understandably angry and a little paranoid when we rang him for comment this morning. After seeking assurances from Boredsheet that we wouldn’t lodge a ‘rudeness complaint’, he agreed to speak on the record.

“I don’t want to raise my voice in case my colleagues hear, you never know who’s listening.” He angrily whispered. “This government is turning our lives in to an Orwellian nightmare. The thought police are here.” Mr Loyerh obviously referring to the dystopian novel, 1984, by paranoid moron, George Orwell. “We are thinking about launching an anonymous legal challenge to this outrageous new bill. I’m just heading down to the internet cafe now so they can’t track me.”

Social media has lit up over the last 24 hours with numerous posts about the issue, mostly softly critical, with some support for the move. And there’s already reasonably polite hashtags trending on Twitter such as #WeWouldRatherNotBeSilencedThanksVeryMuch and #What1980For?

The government is yet to make an official statement about the new laws, and there’s confusion as to how they are to be enforced. But we think it’s a terrific idea and have a great day everyone.

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