Delirious billionaire Donald Trump has answered the prayers of rich men everywhere and confirmed his plans to open a new restaurant in Melbourne that will accept reservations from men only.
The new eatery, audaciously named, ‘The Don’, claims to have a rotating roster of celebrity chefs and a full compliment of female staff, along with tongue-in-cheek menu items such as ‘Toupée Broulee’ and ‘Trump Steak’. There will be no vegetarian, gluten free or vegan options available.
It’s no surprise that the announcement has whipped gender equality activists into a frenzy, especially after Trump’s controversial comments regarding Hilary Clinton’s inability to satisfy her husband, famous funk saxophonist, William Jefferson Clinton, twin brother of P-funk legend, George.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, Daryl Cardigan, a trans gender activist who lives at 33 Johnston Lane, Carlton, says that allowing restaurants like this to operate in Melbourne shows that we have a long way to go with gender equality and destroying what he says is ‘patriarchal dominance’ in our society.
“There is an elitist boys club at the top level of every corporate and government structure which continues to control the gender divide in this country, and all over the world.” The swishy Mary also went on to say something like, “the level of apathy in the community means action is slow and something something blah blah…” Unfortunately we had tuned out at that point.
Donald Trump has had a string of successful business ventures globally, but this is the first time the bloated sack of old leather has looked at Australia for anything other than acquiring the platypus slippers he wears for his degenerative skin disorder. Trump’s office responded with a short statement which can be read below:
“Thank you for your email. Due to the high volume of complaints we receive each day, this email has automatically been filed to our junk folders. If your complaint is regarding our new Australian restaurant, The Don, or the state of the toilets in the Trump Tower in NYC, you can go fuck yourself, you pansy fucks.”
The restaurant is expected to open along Southbank sometime from September 2015 with expressions of interest for table bookings already being taken. Interested diners are asked to provide a copy of their drivers licence and show evidence of their masculinity; photos of hunting trips, firearms licences and Liberal Party memberships are all accepted forms of ID.
With interest and controversy mounting, we’re sure to hear more about The Don in the coming months.