Michelle Bridges & Commando Shock Diners With Offensive Food Shaming Spree

Thinking about a burger probably

Diners was left aghast at an upmarket Melbourne restaurant last night when fit-nazi power couple, Michelle Bridges and Steve ‘Commando’ Willis took upon fellow diners after an argument they were having escalated.

Two diners, who were near the couple, said that there was a great vibe in the restaurant with most barely noticing the D-grade couple until raised voices were heard at their table, which drew attention. The argument seemed to centre around the fact that Willis had ordered dessert and took a turn for the worse when Bridges stood up and threw wine on Willis screaming, ‘Eat it then, you fucking pig. Ruin your career!’. Willis responded by upending the table which covered Bridges and fellow diners in a delicious downpour of delicacies, and a vicious argument ensued.

The incident took place at new avant-guard pop-up, Fat Duck, owned by thick-rimmed food nerd, Heston Blumenthal. Blumenthal, who happened to be in town this week to promote some new horseshit he’s pedalling, was ‘present in the kitchen’ at the time and attempted to intervene. He was forcibly pushed by Commando whilst Bridges was on all fours behind the chef causing him to fall over backwards and hit his head heavily, sending his trademark glasses flying. It was a classic ‘table top’ manoeuvre that delighted diners and took some of the focus off the argument… but only for a minute.

A witness describes the action: “It was right in the middle of the argument when Blumenthal tried stepping in and the two immediately turned their attention towards Heston and pushed him ass-over-teats. It was almost as if they’d practised the move. The whole restaurant laughed about it for a bit, then they resumed yelling at each other …and then assaulting the other diners.”

Diners also attempted to break the couple apart but Willis and Bridges begun hurling personal insults at the other patrons, making fun of their physical appearance and choice of menu items.

“Commando and Michelle were storming around the restaurant and yelling at people, calling them ‘huge’ or ‘obese’ and making fun of the fat content of their food. Commando even pushed one guys face into his plate and made him eat the rest of his food while he was sobbing. It was one of the most shocking things I’ve ever seen, along with the TV show they do, that shit is spine-chilling.”

Commando politely demonstrating to a diner what rhymes with Fat Duck.

With both of them intimidating everyone in the restaurant, others were less keen to get involved and the couple left of their own accord, leaving everyone shell-shocked and owner, Blumenthal visibly upset and crawling around looking for his dork windows amongst the tables and chairs. An awkward clean up ensued with some patrons deciding to leave the restaurant, while some cob-rollers stayed to finish their meal.

The restaurant are yet to return a request for comment, and no charges will be filed over the incident. But it’s definitely left a bad taste in the mouths of many.

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