Transport Chaos As Confused Protestors Shut Down Greyhound Coach Terminal

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It’s something embattled NSW Premier, ‘Casino’ Mike Baird has finally done right, and yet the NSW Government’s actions to ban greyhound racing have been undermined by a group of confused protesters who have taken over a Greyhound Australia coach terminal and are currently staging a ‘sit-in’ protest and are refusing to leave.

Police confused by the new style of ‘sit-in’ tactic initially opened the doors to anyone actually standing inside the terminal to allow people to exit, but were swamped as more protesters ran inside, to the exasperation of employees and bystanders.

Stranded travellers are being held inside the terminal against their will with a small group even breaking the windows in the coaches in a bid for freedom. Asked why they didn’t just use the door, the foreign backpackers said they didn’t realise ‘that was how things worked here’.

Police have surrounded the terminal and have been negotiating with the jobless crusaders and are attempting to communicate that it’s not actually coach services the government is banning, but the protesters remain vigilant. Some even holding placards and posters up to the glass for media; banners ranging from ‘WE’RE WHEELY ANGRY’ to ‘AT WHAT COST?’ are on display; Greyhound Australia employees quick to note that the pricing is actually displayed clearly at the counters.

We’ll keep you updated with more information as it comes to hand.

 

 

 

 

 

2 People Die Of Malnutrition As States Move To Ban Dangerous Food Photography Trend

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State Governments are unified in their response to a deadly new trend sweeping the nation that some say is overtaking the ‘ice epidemic’. In a rare show of bipartisan leadership during a pre-election get together in Canberra, leaders of all states and territories have petitioned the Federal Government to ban food photography, or ‘snapping’ as it’s known on the streets.

With two ‘snapping addicts’ already dead and hundreds more admitted to hospital in the last few months, all suffering from severe malnutrition, parents have been left wondering if the government can move quickly enough to save more young lives.

“I sit at the table every night and watch my son waste away as he obsessively takes photo after photo of his meal; the food becomes cold and inedible and he goes hungry”, says Stew Onnit, president of the parents group, Meals With Feels.

Mr Onnit, who maintains his cooking is ‘digestible’, says that he’s received hundreds of electronic mails and faxes from concerned parents from all over Australia and that authorities have done nothing to act. He also points the finger at social media companies such as Instagram who he accuses of allowing and encouraging the dangerous new movement to grow.

In a press statement obtained exclusively by Boredsheet, Instagram attempted to wash their hands of any wrongdoing:

“The Instagram platform is just a platform. We do not, and can not, dictate how people use it. Whilst we have Community Guidelines in place that take a stand against social issues like discrimination and harassment, we also have filters specifically for the fat and ugly people too, so there’s absolutely no reason not to eat whatever you want.”

With no action expected from the social media industry, let’s hope the government has an answer soon.

In the meantime, if you or a family member require support, you can access a new online resource set-up to provide advice on how to quit being a fuckwit: www.justeatitmate.com

Two ‘Dark-jawed’ Men Attempt To Order Coffee From Cafe During Construction.

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Two bearded fuckwits were assaulted by construction workers yesterday during an aggressive attempt to order macchiato’s whilst a Northside cafe was still being built.

Ignoring advice from the workers, the two men entered the Northcote premises, sat down on crates and repeatedly shouted, ‘two short macs and a kale salad’ in-between super-pretentious updates about their recent trip to New York.

Workers were forced to remove them from the construction site after several failed attempts to let the two men know the cafe would not be open for business for another two weeks. During the fracas, the two men sustained facial injuries and torn flannelette shirts. Police described the actions of the construction workers as ‘super awesome’ and went on to say that, “those two cunts deserved more than a fuckin’ beating”.